College Dating 101

Dating 101 should be a course that you have to take in high school and again in college. It should cover the do’s and don'ts of finding your soulmate. Most everyone is dating and looking for that person to do life with, or to just hang out with. There is nothing wrong with it, but you want to do it right. 

 

Am I an expert on dating? No, but I have dated a lot and I believe that it is an important part of finding the right person. 

 

Where to Find a Good Person to Date 

Because of your age you are most likely somewhere between a junior in high school and a sophomore in college. School is the obvious place that you are going to meet someone. And I am going to say that this is a fairly safe place to meet your soulmate. What you might want to think about is where you do not want to meet your soulmate. If you meet them somewhere that you would be embarrassed or ashamed to tell your kids someday, maybe that is not the place to be looking. If you have religious beliefs you might go to place where people with like minded faith gather. If you love health and fitness possibly a gym or a riding club. If you are an intellect, maybe a library or an academic club. 

 

Red Flags 

There are so many red flags that are missed by young girls in love. The attraction is so high that obvious concerns are overlooked or possibly not even noticed. There are things that happen in a relationship and often early in a relationship that are a sign that you need to exit the relationship. 

  1. They do not want you to hang out with your friends or family. 
  2. They get jealous of your male friends. 
  3. They do not respect the boundries you have around sex.
  4. They call you names in an argument. 
  5. They go from happy to mad quickly. 
  6. They make you feel guilty about things. 
  7. They make fun of you or try to make you feel stupid. 
  8. They want to keep your relationship private. 
  9. They constantly want to know where you are and who you are with. 
  10. They never do what you want to do. It is always about them. 

Don’t ignore these things. Ignoring them could mean getting yourself hurt emotionally or physically in the future. Don’t let that be you. 

 

Dating for Looks Only 

This is dangerous my friend. My mom used to tell me to look at the father of the guy I was dating and that is exactly what the guy would look like 20 years down the road. I blew it off, but she was right on the money! My mind is still blown when I see guys from highschool. They are their dads!! Crazy! There are some men that do not age and stay fit for the rest of their lives, but they are few and far between. So being interested in someone based solely on the way they look is a bad idea. Obviously there has to be an attraction there initially. But to force a relationship because of looks or to stay in a relationship just because you think they are hott is a bit off base. 

 

Establishing Precedence

I love talking about this because it is so relevant in every relationship that we have in life. So basically, when we first enter into a relationship we automatically establish a precedence. This means that from the very start we establish our rules and norms, usually without ever talking about them. From the first time you go out on a date you are starting to establish what is normal. For example, you might both use your phones during dinner on the first date. From then on, it is just known that it is okay to do that because neither of you said anything in the beginning. The same goes for how you argue. If you allow them to talk ugly to you. Hang up on you. Possibly put their hands on you, etc. And you stay in the relationship or do not ever address it, it will continue to be a problem because your lack of speaking up says that it is okay with you that they act that way. 

 

How do they make you act? 

Who are you when you are with this person? Are you a better person? Or do you have an ugly side of you that they bring out? You want to date people who make you better. You want to have a full circle of people in your life that make you better, but the person you are dating is possibly the most important because they just might end up as your spouse. The person you are dating should support you, encourage you and lift you up. They are there to do life with you. This may mean that they call you out when you are being ugly or not acting like yourself. That is a good thing. What is bad is when they bring you down. They treat you like a child. They make you so mad that you act in ways that you normally don’t. Be aware of all the feelings and all the emotions that arise when you are with this person. 

 

Date Around 

If you were going to buy a car that you had to keep the rest of your life, you would not test drive one and then make the purchase. You would look at many cars. You would test drive them. You would do your research. You would compare the cars, etc. This is so similar to dating, but when I say test drive, that does not mean have sex with them. It means that you go out with them-- have dinner, go to a movie, go volunteer somewhere.. You know what I mean. I see people a lot of times date one person and then marry them. Later on down the road one or both of them start to wonder what else was out there. And it makes for a hard marriage. There are many relationships like this that are uber successful. My point is that when you settle down for life, you want to know what was out there and that you picked the most wonderful person for yourself and your life. Test the waters and see what you like! (and don’t like). 

 

If you enjoyed reading this, download the questionnaire 5 things to get clear on before getting serious. 

 

  1. What religious beliefs do I have that I would also like to see in my partner. 
  2. Are there at least 2 hobbies that we could enjoy doing together for the rest of our lives? 
  3. When it comes to money and finances do we have similar views? 
  4. Are there any red flags that I am overlooking because of love or lust? 
  5. Is his lifestyle one that I am okay living for the rest of our marriage?

Ask yourself these questions and you will be well on your way to finding the right partner! 




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